The view is dominant by natural design and yet, it’s soft and undulating and not perhaps what one sees as strong. And as I sit, my mind is a series of vignettes and my body, calm and relaxed.
I watch the stories unfold, how they merge with ribbons of you, colours and sounds that are vivid and mute and I am transfixed in the moment, captured by my memories that come flooding through. I smile because I remember how you smell, how you move, the feel of your skin against mine and I am missing you, even though you’re only gone for moments.
I am attached to you by something so deep, an invisible thread that is stronger than silk but lighter than feathers and yet- if pulled – could be broken. I am not chained nor tethered, but bound to you by a series of beautiful knots that even the most skilled shibari follower could not emulate. The knots are precise, decorous and placed as our relationship has grown and deepened over time. The Gnarled knots are perfect in their imperfection, scars where we’ve hurt each other and evidence of what we’ve survived. We would not be where we are without them and we’ve learned and continue to learn each day how to survive them differently, how to be more respectful and how to give more of ourselves so that the new knots that are added, are small, regular and consistent.
My thoughts are interrupted by your return and you surprise me yet again. I cannot get enough of your consideration nor can I get over it when you are. I don’t expect it but I want it. There is so much I’ve learned not to expect through my life, too many times I’ve been disappointed and needed to learn resilience and self-sufficiency, but here I am saying how much I grow every second you show me kindness and thought. And here I am admitting that I like being treated like a princess, like someone special to you that you dote on.
And your act of kindness in the moments you’ve been gone?
It’s simple… you’re feeding me, in more ways than I even know how.
And I thank you for it.