The view is dominant by natural design and yet, it’s soft and undulating and not perhaps what one sees as strong. And as I sit, my mind is a series of vignettes and my body, calm and relaxed.
I watch the stories unfold, how they merge with ribbons of you, colours and sounds that are vivid and mute and I am transfixed in the moment, captured by my memories that come flooding through. I smile because I remember how you smell, how you move, the feel of your skin against mine and I am missing you, even though you’re only gone for moments.
I am attached to you by something so deep, an invisible thread that is stronger than silk but lighter than feathers and yet- if pulled – could be broken. I am not chained nor tethered, but bound to you by a series of beautiful knots that even the most skilled shibari follower could not emulate. The knots are precise, decorous and placed as our relationship has grown and deepened over time. The Gnarled knots are perfect in their imperfection, scars where we’ve hurt each other and evidence of what we’ve survived. We would not be where we are without them and we’ve learned and continue to learn each day how to survive them differently, how to be more respectful and how to give more of ourselves so that the new knots that are added, are small, regular and consistent.
My thoughts are interrupted by your return and you surprise me yet again. I cannot get enough of your consideration nor can I get over it when you are. I don’t expect it but I want it. There is so much I’ve learned not to expect through my life, too many times I’ve been disappointed and needed to learn resilience and self-sufficiency, but here I am saying how much I grow every second you show me kindness and thought. And here I am admitting that I like being treated like a princess, like someone special to you that you dote on.
And your act of kindness in the moments you’ve been gone?
It’s simple… you’re feeding me, in more ways than I even know how.
And I thank you for it.
the shadow evaporating as
warmth begins to replace it,
the tingling of my skin
and receptive, wanting
I am as naked
as the day I was born.
Wanton and free
and exposed to neighbourly curiosity
…Should they be interested.
But this drives me,
the tingling and warmth
capturing my body
as I lie in wake
but with eyes closed, fluttering,
seeing your face in the clouds
as I feel the heat spread.
I part my legs slightly
an acquiescence of my consent
in the knowledge that I may burn,
a chance I’m willing to take
such that I may delight in the hand
from the Sun.
She is marked by the shadows on her back
all perfectly symmetrical and meticulously aligned
but she sits patiently as they fade
knowing that as the sun sets
so the marks will lose their life to the darkness of the night.
She wonders perchance that should she sit here again the next day,
will she be fortunate to be branded by the sun’s heat
and the shadow’s that fall?
will her body come alive again
as the shadows rise?
She knows she must return
in the same way,
assuming the same seat,
for she is drawn beyond her understanding
to the light of the criss-crossed shadows that play across her back.
i am blinded by your power
and your memory is etched on my soul.
When i taste you
i am reminded of your sweetness
and the nourishment my body needs
in order to stay alive.
When i hear your voice
it is like the timbres and sounds
quieten my ever rushing mind
and i find peace in the wake of a storm.
When i breathe you in
my heart quickens and i recognise
the scent that is you
and i’d find you in a crowd of one billion.
When i touch you
it feels like i’ve come home.
You bring my senses alive and remind me of what it feels like to drive forward.
Without you, i am blind to the taste and sounds of the world, my breath stops and i cease to feel.
Remain in my world.