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I am burning with thoughts

of heat aholding thoughtnd anger

driven to distraction by darkness within me

 

where does this side

come from?

 

this temporary state of grey and black

drives me to want to lash out

and hurt back

and yet, knowing this and driven by balance

i resettle and try watch the thoughts

looking for their authenticity or mirage

and finding little but more darkness

i retreat.

 

this is best for me at this moment

a surreal measure of control and ceding

for i know the consequences of my passion would be to attack and destroy

and my future, in this regard, is far too an important reality

for balance to be compromised,

for the sake of feeling powerful over another

and controlling of my fear and anxiety.

 

what am i, if i lose control?

i am like the beast that taunts and teases

provoking and receding

playing

but ultimately afraid of their own shadow

of the sounds in their brain

of the instability in their core.

 

we are mirrors to some extent

but i proudly own my shadow before me

and those dark thoughts?

they stun and remind me,

that i am human after all.

 

and so for this lesson dear perpetrator

i thank you.

my heart beats and i am grateful for its pounding

my mind wars and i become more strategic

my anxiety rises

and i learn to keep myself safe.

 

for all of this, again i thank you.

my lesson is learned.

jump

 

 

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