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Sitting here

I am quiet as I watch the world go by

Some are interested only in their 

lives Or what they may get from 

others.

There are those few who stop and 

look,

Ask questions,appearing  interested

Looking beyond the replies into 

what lies beneath.

And sometimes they see the

darkness, the vulnerability

A reflection they realise, of 

themselves and they hurry off.

And then there are those who open

their eyes, 

Scrutinise with curiosity and

confusion and look at me from 

every angle.

I remain more silent and still under

their inspection,

For my strength and vulnerability 

are a paradox to them,

An enigma of defence and defiance.

They approach and retreat but 

continue to engage

Talking, releasing, understanding 

my need to appear strong and be 

strong -when inside I’m crying out 

in fear and with anxiety for reprisal 

and rejection, for retaliation and 

harm …

They understand my need for 

control and yet, to submit to 

something so much stronger than I, 

that I quake and shake internally 

that eventually my tears of 

frustration and disappointment 

flow as tears of joy that I am being 

contained.

Once safe and secure on my perch, I 

thank them for recognising my 

bravery, for seeing that indeed in 

sitting here naked before all- that I 

am indeed facing my fears.

It is only whilst I sit here that I see 

the truth of what Fisher once said, 

that the greatest part of a road trip 

isn’t arriving at your destination. 

It’s all the wild stuff that happens 

along the way.

Here’s to embracing the fears that 

mean I stride out and face them, to 

those that look beyond the facade of 

self management and see the real 

me, my darkness and light – and 

hold it all. I thank you.

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