I’m sitting here recognising that time has flown by and I’ve neither shared my thoughts nor sat down for a moment to think. In forcing myself to breathe, I saw this image and recognised its authenticity on some levels.
I’ve been faced with a conundrum of some of my fears tapping away at the window pane to my soul and I recognise that if I don’t do something about them, they’ll soon be bashing away at my door, demanding entry into an otherwise protected self… I am a manifestation of my past, present and future and although you may ask, ‘how is that your future is already a part of you today?’ I am able to answer that I accept that all I give to my future, has to be ‘earned and not just given’. In this regard, I keep safe and earn my place as others earn their place alongside me or if they lead me, ahead of me. If I lead them, then they gain their place behind me and I earn that place in their lives, they do not cede it to me just because it is my desire they do so.
And here’s one of the enigmas I faced just the other day… as a self-employed professional and responsible for my own time keeping and management, I was unable to fulfil the desires of a potential purchaser despite make several changes to what is fortunately, a busy diary…what I was doing for her was not enough. It was a ‘her-way-or-the-highway-or-no-way-approach’. People adopting this approach frustrate me as they lack insight into consequences and repercussions, as they are truly ego-centred and their abilities to take perspective, superficial and banal. Unfortunately, her approach cost me the job and the result since, has been akin to punitive punishing parenting. I don’t work well like this but it took me a little while to see that despite my feelings of self-doubt, this behaviour had little to do with me. She was engaging her managerial role and responsible for meeting her company’s needs, but has over-stepped the mark due to her potential belief that she ‘owned me’ or at least, my time. This is not the case, she has not earned me and neither have I given her this responsibility.
I earn my place and give of my place.
I earn my value and share of that value to those who earn their place in my life. That is how I cede my control or at least share it.
When it comes to business, I earn those agreements and aspire to be the very best I can be, firstly for them and secondly for my own self-satisfaction.
Moreover, if I look even further to a different level and say perhaps my body and its health; I recognise that if I don’t get off that sofa, every slow random walker out there will be lapping me. That ignites my fearless (and guarded) competitive nature and I accept that actually, the competition is against myself – not those walkers out there. If I am to be true to myself and aspire to earning my body, I need to do something about it because in essence, it’s not going to be handed to me on a plate (which would be so much easier alongside a Bolo de Aroz and iced coffee).
I accept what I have seen today and I see its value and place in my life.
In spirit, body and mind, I am earned, not given.